Russian Humour Is Pushing People Into Canals | Stalin: Yalta & Last Days (Part 5)

0:00Running a growing business means doing all the things. Campaign things, pipeline things, support and follow-up things. And somehow, keeping track of all of it. HubSpot Self-Updating CRM pulls in emails and meeting notes automatically. Keeping your records current and helping you see what to do next. So you can focus on building demand, winning deals, and keeping customers coming back. You know, the things most worth doing. Learn more at HubSpot.com. Latte for Keenan. That's me. Hey, you're buying a car online on auto trader. Really? But unlike other sites, you can start online, test drive with a local dealer, then finish online or at the dealership. Really? Wait, are you able to finish in person or at the dealership. Really? Wait, are you...

0:45Yep, it's Keenan. ...able to finish in person without starting the process over? Really. Your info stays with you every step of the way. Cool. Enjoy. It's Keenan Thompson. Buy your car online on AutoTrader. Really. Now for a quick message from Anthropic, the team behind Clawed, the AI built for businesses. Imagination doesn't need permission, just room to play. Claude is an AI that works alongside you to give your ideas the space they need to grow. And then it helps you make them real and ready to ship. Discover more with Claude at claude.ai slash span. Welcome back to FinVersus History. It's part five of the the Stalin story Horatio Gould is still here Still in his massive hat I don't know why you asked for a hat that big

1:52Well every time I see the camera Which is only at the end and the beginning of the episode I realise how big my hat's been for the whole time And it does sort of make you regret some of the things I've said You asked for the big hat mate If I say anything even remotely serious It looks absolutely... Oh, really? Okay. I look completely absurd. Yeah. But it does make my head look smaller. This is the final part of our extended Starlin series, part five. We were having too much fun, so we had to make it a five-parter. Yes. And I think the man deserves it. Yeah. We did well. We've been eating good, man. We've been eating well man we do need a bit more greens because even looking what's coming up it's it's a lot of meat it's a lot of meat

2:30yeah yeah and this is yeah this is going to cause a it's dad's night out at the curry house and we've gone too hard and we haven't got enough vegetables for sure so you know at some point there'll be some greens back for a while in a bit in a bit let a bit. Let's have some meat. All right? I can mix grill for a bit. We'll deal with the consequences later. So we left off with Operation Uranus. Would you say that's a funny name? Do you know what? For the significance of the operation, I don't think you should call it that. Yeah. It always kind of like, it's almost too obvious to make a joke about but it's just it's too big you're saying that hitler loses the war operation bum it's like there's not even any points saying

3:15that's a bit funny it's just so stupid it's almost like operation uranus yeah starting like is it because of a translation in russian it doesn't sound like Uranus. Yeah, what is it in Russian? What do they call Operation Uranus? Operatia Uran. Yeah. Uran. Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's not Uranus. Yeah. Operation Uran. Yeah. Uran. But then do you think of like, you know, at Yalta, Churchill's like, Operation what, mate? Why do you look at that? It does feel like everyone's got a smug look in their face You've got the Finnish sniper You've got Stalingrad more like Hitlergrad You've got everyone there No it's a smug time because they've beaten Hitler So the last episode we dealt with Barbara Sorry Yalta

3:59That's kind of as smug as it gets I mean Potsdam it gets a bit serious because now we're thinking about the Cold War. Well, and also Truman's just fucking nuked Japan. So you're like... The new guy's just fucking... All right, fuck it. A bombshell's entered the villa. Yeah. Well, it's Casa Amor, isn't it? It's opened up. Fucking hell. Fucking hell, what? This is really going to shuffle the pack. And also Truman is so unassuming looking, just a little wet guy with glasses. Yeah. Fucking hell, eh? We will get there. We're on Yalta first. Right. We'll get to Potsdam. Yalta is a scenic resort city on the southern coast of the Crimean Peninsula. Yeah. So it's Ukraine, but basically currently contested.

4:35Yeah. So there you go. It's, yeah. How scenic is it now? Let's have a look. Yalta now. Yeah, it looks pretty nice. It looks pretty good. No, not great. Top 50 things to do in Yalta now yeah it looks pretty nice it looks pretty good oh not great top 15 things to do in Yalta number one avoid drones um Chekhov's house and there's a zoo well there you go but in 1945 uh this is yeah as you say one of the big photos if you're gonna go like top 10 fucking hell photos of all time yeah you got the earth from uh the moon yeah you got quang Duc. Yeah. Okay, what's that? The Burning Monk from Vietnam. Oh, yeah. And this is probably in there, right? You'd say so. Yeah, you'd say so. Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin

5:15are meeting for the second time. They've met in Tehran. Yeah, look at this. It's the second date. Yeah, they're looking slightly frostier at this one. Yeah. Because... Well, Stalin's probably the most Beethoven of the three, actually. Well, Stalin's insisted they come to him in Crimea because he wants them to travel through the landscape of where, you know, the war has been basically fought. Right? So Yalta is... Is Yalta before D-Day or is it after D-Day? No, it must be after D-Day. Yeah. Well, I guess... Sorry, if we... You're trying to read this... It's Yalta is, is Yalta before D-Day or is it after D-Day? No, it must be after D-Day. Yeah. Well, I guess, sorry, if we, you're trying to read this.

5:48It's Yalta 45, isn't it? It's all 45. As a sort, you know when the body language experts do breakdowns of photos and videos and stuff, we should do like a Beethoven's brother-ness of each leader. And to be honest, Stalin's the most Beethoven's brother and then Churchill and then Roosevelt. Well, Roosevelt is looking into the distance like fucking hell I'm going to die in three months so he's not that's not very Churchill I think is looking for a drink we've been a big part of the war effort but like 200,000 people have died in Britain as opposed to 25 million so he's a little bit excited to be there to be honest he's the last one to be invited on a stand yeah boys what are we doing where are we going

6:21how do you know him lads should we get rat arsed tonight so he's just grateful and then that's pure yeah he's smug Yeah, boys. What are we doing? What are we doing? Where are we going? Where are we going? How do you know? Lads. Yeah. Should we get rat-arsed tonight? So he's just grateful and then that's pure. Yeah, he's smug. He's got the most aura How many civilians have died? Yeah, try 25 million, mate. Yeah, it's still called Starling Graph, thanks to me. So Roosevelt and Churchill arrive. Stalin does not greet them at the airfield. You're right, this is in terms of like aura, you know vibes this is where Stalin's really cooking and I think compare that to how he got cooked by Hitler and those two weeks

6:54he's now come with he's got a new confidence Stalin he's got a new lease of life yeah having lost 25 million observed citizens you know he's a white woman who's just done ayahuasca yes he is yeah he is it's dangerous 25 million observed citizens. He's a white woman who's just done ayahuasca. Yes, he is. Yeah, he is. It's dangerous. 25 million people. Dangerous. So obviously the war is still going on. This is February 45. Berlin's not yet been conquered by the Russians. It will be. They know it. In fact, at Stalingrad, when they encircle Paulus and their German troops surrender, one of them, a Russian troop, points to Stalingrad when they encircle Paulus and their German troops surrender one of them

7:27a Russian troop points to Stalingrad and goes that's what Berlin's going to look like it's a smug time isn't it a lot of rye asides for the fucking biggest battle of all time see that looks like Berlin will do in five months anyway see you later a bit too hard it's a Berlin of off-top why's Paul Merton fighting for the Russians? So, Beria, Stalin's attack dog, who we'll be dealing with on the Patreon. One of the worst guys who's ever lived, to be fair. Give the rapist his flowers, which we will do on the Patreon. Anyway, so he had constructed a huge bomb-proof bunker beneath Stalin's accommodation, 25 metres of protection. Roosevelt received a bunker with only two meters of protection Churchill no bunker

8:08at all yeah yeah which I guess is you know it's the power play yeah because even though the war has not yet ended it's clear where the war's been won and lost right these things are important it's important to let Britain know that it's not a major player anymore because yeah they just they don't try anything just to just to really ram home when we started this series you know when starling comes to power it is an agrarian economy there's you know there's no heavy industry yeah right and in the space of 15 years he is now head of the largest land empire, basically, that ever has been. The second superpower. And he's also pretty much an atomic superpower, which we'll deal with. That's more Potsdam.

8:54Anyway. Your business is growing, and so is your to-do list. But updating the CRM will not be on it. Because with HubSpot, updates happen automatically, so you can build demand and move deals without all the admin. Learn more at HubSpot.com. Latte for Kenan? That's me. Hey, you're... Yeah. Buying a car online on AutoTrader? Really? But unlike other sites, you can start online, test drive with a local dealer, then finish online or at the dealership. Really? Wait, are you... Yep, it's Keenan. ...able to finish in person without starting the process over? Really. Your info stays with you every step of the way. Cool. Enjoy. It's Keenan Thompson. Buy your car online on AutoTrader. Really. Now for a quick message from Anthropic, the team behind Claude, the AI built for businesses.

9:48Imagination doesn't need permission, just room to play. Claude is an AI that works alongside you to give your ideas the space they need to grow. And then it helps you make them real and ready to ship. Discover more with Claude at claude.ai slash span. So, this is what I really like about Stalin. I did not realise how much he uses booze as a political weapon. Right. So, Churchill's obviously drinking heavily. Churchill doesn't use it as a political weapon, does he? Oh, he just drinks. He just sends it. He's downing a pint and he's like, is that political? is that political no no no no you make a statement i'm not making a statement just have a drink right um you haven't laughed statement stalin would make it look like

10:34he was drinking but it's actually water instead of vodka in between rounds right which he later punishes his uh generals for yeah there's a lot of caligula stuff from stalin which we'll get to but anyway at the end of the altar basically stalin secures what he wants which is like he's like we're not gonna we're not gonna give any of this land back that we've taken from the germans that that's our buffer zone because i don't want to be invaded again yeah so that's the main thing because he's that's the main trauma and even putin now the main anxiety of any russian leader is being invaded on that huge land border without natural barriers yes that's why putin is terrified is being invaded on that huge land border without natural barriers

11:05yes that's why putin is terrified of being invaded give putin look there's a lot of sense to what putin's doing as we say so um basically at the altar yeah stalin essentially sets the tone for the rest of the 20th century yeah so um the western allies are so knackered that they go do you know what mate you you you you do what you want yeah right because stalin is it's kind of amazing that in the space of two years he's now the dominant power yeah uh the eyes and the allies are realizing who's actually won the war here he's a big winner may the second 2nd. But also the biggest sacrifice and the most losses. May the 2nd, 1945, the Soviets capture Berlin. I can't get in blood! Hitler kills himself in the bunker.

11:52Think of that lovely noise of soundscape. You can't say that the Soviets captured Berlin without just seeing what Hitler did. On the 9th of May, Germany is surrender and scores on the doors. 27 May, Germany is surrender and, scores on the doors, 27 million Soviet citizens had died. That must be people. Yeah. 27. Two thirds of them civilians. Right. So, okay, fine. Six million homes were lost. I doubt that. That's a big number. Surely not. 200,000 probably. However, now the Red Army basically occupied much of Eastern Europe. As you say, there's no relief for the Poles. Yeah. They're like, you know, it's one thing or another over here. Yeah, it is. Apparently the amount of rape is unfathomable

12:36when the Russians come back through Germany. Yeah. Because it's all payback for all the rape that happened that way. Yeah. And the Polish are like, well, we didn't rape anyone. So why the fuck are we getting double you made this point before about how can we rape someone that's not what they're thinking did I make that point yeah you made that point before where it's like Germany raped more than the Soviets and the Poles are like well can we have a go please did I say you've said that before did I say that do you remember me saying that well you said that before and I've said this before I think you said it I think your point is weird it's weird that Poland in 1945 are like can we please rape someone I think that's weird. I think your point is weird. It's weird that Poland in 1945

13:06were like, can we please rape someone? I think that's weird. Can someone in the comments point out when I said that? That's scary. I've said so much in this podcast. Anyway. Let's get to Potsdam. Alright. You're so desperate for the polls to be able to rape someone. Anyway. The Western leadership at potsdam there's yeah now this is where the real potsdown well different vibe because this is where democracies comes into it you know stalin's still there the dictator but churchill gets yanked away from it midway through because atlee wins yeah at least basically a competition winner like hello what's that going on yeah truman's there little dweeb having just dropped a fucking nuclear bomb yeah yeah oh no

13:48he hasn't done that yet no sorry yeah guy in a bow tie fucking yeah pressing a button oh yep i'm i'll be the president first thing what's the first thing on the agenda right fair enough yeah done clear the intro what's next yeah again fair enough why not give it some twice look how happy atley and truman are they're like oh yeah it's a very different if we're reading the aura on this that they both can't believe that they're there look at them yeah and stalin's like you know what but stalin's a bit bummed out because he's like these guys are these guys are new i don't you know yeah where the boy yeah where the boy where are the old guys these aren't these aren't titanic figures i'm starting to admit that he misses hitler oh he's wearing this coat look

14:27at this this is this is good doesn't it um yeah at least absolutely looks like he's on a fucking booster seat christ look at him giddy is anything he has no aura to be fair to him their feet don't even touch the floor christ no aura for truman or atlee for somebody dropped the atomic bomb truman has no aura, surprisingly. No, do you know what it is? No, because he's just like, yeah, I'll do that. Fuck it. What's next? And again, you know, you don't want someone who's going to think about it. Right? Yes. Basically, Stalin says, yeah, there'll be democratic elections in all these places, but, ah, it's bollocks. Because he says it's not important who votes, it's important who counts the votes.

15:02Fucking hell. Martin, fucking hell. Have I Got News For You is around at this point, we should this is 1945 yeah it's been i mean it's getting quite tired now i'm not in 45 so stardom emerges from the second world war at the height of his power nominated for the nobel peace prize twice twice nominated um does he win why is he getting 48 45 fair play you can have it. Yeah. What is 48? Yeah. I mean, he's nominated. Does he win, though? Who's on the shortlist in 45? Yeah. I mean, I guess it must be the other leaders, mustn't it? Hitler doesn't get nominated. Does Hitler get nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize? Beria's on time. No way. Is he? For doing what? I don't know. That's Beria, though. Fucking hell.

15:42Oh, no. Enemy of the people. Oh, right. I didn't realise that time do worstia, though. Fucking hell. Oh, no. Enemy of the people. Enemy of the people. Oh, right. I didn't realise that Time do worst person of the year as well. Oh, Father of the United Nations, Cordal Hull, won in 1945. So he only got nominated. Fair play. Who else is nominated? Anthony Eden. Come on. Churchill, Roosevelt, Litvinov, Edward Benesch. Jan Smuts. Remember Jan Smuts? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the International Committee for the Red Cross fuck off mate fuck off you know when they win time person of the year they give it to like the key workers and stuff oh fuck off pick a person make a decision you cowards yeah the whistleblowers

16:21the winner of the panel prize at Edinburgh this year is all the performance fuck off make a decision do your job you fucking sharks yeah pick the most The whistleblowers. The winner of the panel prize at Edinburgh this year is all the performers. Fuck off. Make a decision. Do your job. Fucking sharks. Yeah, pick the most brutal dictator. Yeah, come on. You leeches. All of you fucking leeches. Leeching off us. Anyway. Anyway. So communist governments are established across Eastern Europe and now Stalin has his buffer zone. Which is why we are touching this with the GDR, where it's kind of like Stalin doesn't want to manage GDR too much. He doesn't really care. He just wants it as a buffer. He doesn't need it as part of the empire.

16:55It just needs to be a non-Western. Not Western. Yeah. And then you have the Berlin blockade, which we dealt with in the East Germany series. And now, I think it's at Potsdam, or maybe it's at Yalta. At one of them, either Roosevelt or Truman is like, maybe it's Churchill. He goes to Stalin, he's like, by the way, the Americans have tested an atomic bomb. And Stalin's like, eh. Because he's already got spies in the Manhattan Project, so he knows that. And then Churchill's like, oh, all right. I thought you'd be more like, yeah. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Because he's already doing it. Yeah. So let's get to his personal life, because this is the part of Stalin I did not know about.

17:42And this is why. This is what really brought you around to him. I love the guy, right? So he becomes a hypochondriac and he's got an intense fear of being poisoned. So he has his food tested with like rats and mice and shit. Well, he's killed all his enemies now. So he's purged and he's won World War II. There's sort of no lands left to conquer apart from his own mind. Yeah, yeah, you're right. It's kind of, what's it called? Olympic gold medal syndrome, or gold medal syndrome, which is where... Can you serve in the Paralympics if you've got that? Paralympic gold medal? Maybe, actually. That'd be good. I won a gold medal in the Olympics, then I got sad, so now I'm a Paralympic. It's an emotional crash

18:21and emptiness people feel having reached a major life goal. Right, okay, so you've got a bit of that. Stalin's obviously very charming and emptiness people feel having reached a major life goal. Right, okay. So you've got a bit of that. Stalin's obviously very charming and good with his kids in public. And we'll be dealing with Stalin's children on the Patreon because that's an awesome story. In private, he could be childish and volatile. Now, this is quite a Charlie Milner thing to do. If food bored him, he would throw it out of a window. Bored, out of a window. Bored out of a window. Should we tell this coffee story? I think, Charlie, you should tell the story. I want to talk about Boys Gone Wild as well,

18:52but I think it's worth telling again. Basically, we were coming to record Boys Gone Wild. Charlie had gone to set up earlier than us. I was like, okay, that's good. It's nice that he's gone in early. We were laughing about the fact that you just skydived. As we walk up, you rush past us, there's through the wrong coffee out the window, right? So there's already so much involved in that sentence. Basically, Charlie had thrown his fresh hot coffee out of the window because he thought it was his old coffee. And then I was like, how often are you throwing old coffees out the window? He was like, yeah, of course. I go, the sink's right there and he goes well the window's closer and i go but it's gonna land on people's offices and stuff that's you can't you literally can't do

19:31that this is i'm the one fucking on the on the lease of this you can't be chucking hot liquid or even old tea out the window he goes no it's just a car park you know i don't think anything was down there you can look down there you fucking idiot yeah anyway charlie was quite interporded and uh a bit catty back to me i'd say yeah basically saying like you and who saw me kind of and basically talking like i'm a square because i'm not chucking my fucking hot liquid out the window yeah full out of the window next morning we get this email from the workspace. Hi all, I hope you're well. Sorry, the email headline is, the subject is throwing liquids out of windows. Hi all, I hope you're well. We have reports that liquids such as coffees

20:15are being thrown out of windows. This is causing your neighbours on lower floors to have stains and marks, along with some liquid coming in through their open windows as we only clean the windows twice a year latte through the window this does not make for a nice environment for them to work it kind of please ask that we refrain from throwing any liquid out the window instead use the t-points on the floors to point this away um if we have many more reports like this we'll have to investigate i might just say i'll be going through there's been no no don't fucking Greg Wallace it. Don't say you've got autism, you don't know what Ben is. Also going down, there's a cafe downstairs, buying a coffee, you have to fob through,

20:51you have to go up a lift, get in there, finally getting all set up. It's so fucking good. But what I also, what I find funny is that Charlie came down and he went, I've thrown the wrong coffee out the window as if the problem's the coffee not the oh fucking hell yeah what am I like we're gonna have to okay because I think you're charming I think they know I'm pretty sorry I didn't think anything I didn't think you were down there I truly didn't speak to a person covered in coffee or like someone's got third degree burns and you have to apologize so this is what Stalin would do right Stalin food balls him out the window if he received a busy signal on the phone he would smash the handset I mean

21:36you can't send emails like that to Stalin you can't say just the throwing food out the window please but that's that's Charlie he'd be like well I'm not apologizing I'm gonna kill you fuck off fuck off I can throw a guy out the window if i want yeah i can throw a whole entire lot out the window if i want fuck off at the daca right as starling grows older he spends more time in the countryside retreat uh he gardens feeds the animals um he like he loves squirrels in particular oh he's a nice soft side this is a kind of dad again it's like you, it's like, you know, it's like, remember when we did Gaddafi's children and there's those photos of Gaddafi with his boys at the zoo and you think, you know.

22:10Is he that bad? There's a softness there. So Hitler likes animals, Stalin likes animals. You can actually understand it though because you can't trust humans to not, animals, you can understand they're not trying to betray, there's not a loyalty thing with animals. They just want love, it's unconditional love. Yeah. And that's all they want. That's the most amazing bit about them. That is the most amazing thing about them. And they're themselves all of the time. Yeah. Yeah. And you can't trust anyone when you're power, they want something from you. So, but he really hated being alone because he was obviously completely paranoid. And so he had all these dinners. Now this is probably my favorite part of the story.

22:43So, he would have these mad dinners, Caligula-esque, right, where he'd get this small circle of leaders, Beria, Khrushchev, Molotov, Malenkov, all the kind of basically the top brass that he hasn't killed. All of the Death of Stalin cast, basically. Basically that, yeah. So they would be ordered to appear late night with no notice. The dinner could last six hours, right, before entertainment even began so he'd basically get everyone absolutely fucked with vodka cognac champagne he would dilute his own drinks with water and they basically had to all get fucked people would be vomiting and if they and this is high command these are the most powerful people in the Soviet Union and if they collapsed

23:20he'd be like get back at the table you're a person or I'll kill you right so he had drinking in between they're throwing up in Stalin's, get back at the table, you're a person, or I'll kill you, right? So, he had drinking games with that. Yeah, throwing up in Stalin's toilet in his dagger. Yeah, yeah. The thoughts must be going through your head if you're the dancer's toilet. Oh, really? Fuck this. Yeah, oh no. I'm in Stalin's toilet. Yeah, right. Tito, right, who will, I mean, we'll go back on Tito at some point. He once vomited down his sleeve so as not to disrupt Stalin eating, right? He just, at the table, just. and this is a powerful dictator himself yeah this is like the cabinet meeting

23:50right just yeah yeah it's like the g8 but they're all just getting fucked all the time so um do you talk about some of the drinking games yeah so they had to starlin said you have to estimate the temperature and if they guessed like a degree wrong, they had to drink three shots. I mean, it's a stag do stuff. Yeah. Right. Beria Malenkov and Mikoyan basically persuaded the waiters to give them coloured water so that Stalin would think they're drinking wine. Yeah. But they're like, I can't do this again. It's like three nights in a row. Stalin sees that and goes fucking mental. What the fuck are you doing? The whole point is that you're a pistol thrower. Are we having a laugh or not? Come on. It's not funny unless you're throwing up all over yourself.

24:31Which means you're not drinking. I don't care if it's January. Have a drink. Khrushchev would go home so pissed that he wet the bed. And he'd try and remember what happened by writing down the events of the night with the help of his wife right now because it's so important you have to remember what you said to him it's Stalin it's time man of the year and he's making you get pissed now this is my favourite bit this is Stalin's drunken practical jokes he would is this a practical joke he'd get officials drunk and just push them into a pond yeah I don't know is that practical just walk around and I was going ah fuck you I guess because they think they're not going to them into a pond. Yeah, I don't know if that's practical. Just walk around, that's going to, fuck you.

25:06I guess because they think they're not going to be in a pond, and then they are. I guess that's the practical joke. That's the prank. That's just assault, isn't it? That's just pushing a drunk guy in a pond. The prank is they think the next step is going to be on land, but it's actually the next step will be in water. They're pushed into a pond by their boss. I mean, that is, I mean, it's funny. It's almost like he's just treating it like GTA. Just everyone's an NPC. Fuck off, you go in the pond. It happened so frequently the guards drained the pond fearing somebody would drown. But there's a level of absolute power where it becomes boring. He's now, what more is there to really conquer for him?

25:39There's not many more places he can really push to. He's beaten Hitler. Yeah. The man who, you know, trusted, he doesn't trust anyone anymore. Yeah. The man who, you know, trusted... He's just kicking people in the pond. He doesn't trust anyone anymore. You know? Apart from the squirrels. Squirrels are the only people that have got left. Hello, mate. How are you doing? Oh, fuck off. Bored. You know, I think Stalin is really bored by life at this point. Yeah. And so the only kicks he get are feeding squirrels or pushing people in ponds. So, there's a point where a drunken barrier suggests quail shooting. Stalin fires a gun into the ground, nearly hits one of his companions. He then fires it into the air and hit two of his guards with birdshot.

26:17He orders Khrushchev to perform the hopak, which is that squatting dance. Now, obviously, if you look at a picture of Khrushchev, he looks like a potato on legs. Khrushchev's the next leader of the Sovietviet union it's pretty funny to get him to fucking khrushchev has to basically do it even though he's incapable of doing it and he has to smile while he's doing it yeah um they would hide he would hide tomatoes in somebody's clothes then shove them against a wall he's just rattling around bored as fuck you know um he put salt in the vodka and wait for his guests to throw up right russian humor i guess is it's a little bit more it doesn't yeah it's more blunt like i've got to say i've got quite a russian sense of humor yeah i uh i find it quite

27:01funny i was having dinner with some r because my ex was Russian right and an uncle of hers proper Russian right said you comedian look at this meme he hands over the phone right it's the old timey boxer with the top text bottom text right and it said period blood more like sex ketchup fucking hell sex ketchup that's awful hideous yeah Period blood? More like sex ketchup. Fucking hell. Sex ketchup. That's awful. Hideous. Very Russian sort of sense of humour. So people would be having dinner for ages being gay. Stalin made gay illegal. Phoebe, come on. Stalin made gay illegal. But in the pro side, Stalin made gay illegal. Yes, Phoebe, thank you. Always adding balance to the podcast. Yeah, he was a nasty piece of work with this practice of jokes,

27:46but Stalin made gay illegal, so, you know, every cloud. All right, all right. Anyway, at around 2 a.m., Stalin would then move everyone into his private cinema. Now, he loves films, loves American films. He's a cinephile. Right, he's a cinephile. But he hated nudity in any sexual content which is awesome so uh if you were his film curator yeah you basically had to make sure there'd be no funny business otherwise he would explode like what's this filth doing on my screen push you just go now he would also translate foreign films aloud despite being not good at it yeah and then stalin enjoyed listening to him try to struggle isn't there there's a story where um stalin fucking um what does he oh yeah

28:32he would basically stand up and talk about what was going to happen yeah but wait this bit you're gonna love this bit yeah the worst guy to watch a film is yeah oh this bit's coming up look what's gonna happen then isn't there but then also if i'm i wouldn't really care if i'm just trying to survive it's not like oh god it's two in the morning you've already thrown up twice it's like him describing you just come out of a canal you're soaking and so i was like oh what's this bit you're like i hate my job so much i got my keys off fucking tomatoes fucking tomatoes um he would act out the scene before it happened isn't there a story about john wayne have we got that in the script so there's a story about John Wayne? Have we got that in the script? I love John Wayne. So there's a story about how

29:06Stalin was obsessed with John Wayne, but then John Wayne was a fucking, he was an anti-communist. Maybe this is later, I don't know. John Wayne, Stalin then basically orders John Wayne to be assassinated. So there's these two agents that are tracking him. And then, yeah, the film star. Here we go. these two agents that are tracking him. And then, yeah, the film star. Here we go. Stalin became so irritated by Wayne's anti-communist politics that he ordered Soviet agents to assassinate him. The story claims a Russian filmmaker with connections to Soviet intelligence warns Wayne that assassins are coming. So Wayne and an associate track the men down, kidnap them, kidnapped them, took them to a beach

29:45and staged a mock execution. So they put on their knees with their hands restrained, made to believe they were about to be shot and then the warning worked and the agent supposedly later defect and assist the FBI. Pretty sick from Wayne. Fucking John Wayne. I mean, film stars nowadays aren't doing that. They're doing fucking speeches about climate change. Twats. Yeah? Why aren't you mock assassinating the KGB?'s a proper film star that is yeah rather than going on and wanging on about something um it's apocryphal starlin medgay illegal apocryphal banter denied at five in the morning starlin might suggest another film after which he would ask everyone whether they wanted something else to eat

30:27he doesn't really have a wife at the moment now this is a bit like Charlie he doesn't really go to bed he would take charge of the record player and then force everyone to listen to records like dogs barking that's like your car when we were in the cricket what were you playing in your car something fucking men groaning a ten minute a ten minute soundtrack of men going and you're like, yeah, yeah, sick mate. Wait for it to drop and the drops just It's crazy. Do you have a little bang on it now? Yeah, I mean, will it get licensed? I think they'll think it's us. No, they won't. That's how it works. You fucking idiot idiot they're like is that is that that famous oh no it's them it's probably them

31:11so yeah 10 minutes of that in the car yeah get the idea what's that who's that artist should we shout them out it's by Pro Sound Effects fucking hell anyway there's also Men Wimpering and Paul Moher no I don't need to. And Lord Moor. No, I don't need to hear their old album. No need to do a deep dive listening party. It's a pro sound effects. Anyway, so in the small hours of the morning, Stalin would release everyone. And then he'd then just drink by himself, finally fall asleep, wake up sometime in the afternoon and just go again. Yeah. Right. So these are his last, you know, and this is while the Cold War is happening. I think he's probably a bit bored by the Cold War, to be it's not there's not the hot war yeah and then we get now

31:48i didn't know about this this is extraordinary in his final years he's even more paranoid he says quote i trust no one not even myself and increasingly this paranoia becomes anti-semitic right now uh he'd had jewish associates and relatives by marriage okay he had worked with jews for decades so lenin and trotsky were jewish exactly right stalin basically starts to become anti-semitic because uh of israel because he expected israel to weaken british and interests in the middle east and yet israel quite quickly aligns with the west yeah so it's a beachhead for the western exactly so there are thoughts there are plans or there are rumors that stalin basically orders all these concentration camps to be built in fucking like borat um region right like my white and

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35:10There are signs that he may have been preparing. His next big purge for his next project. Yeah, was basically to carry on Hitler's work. That was the... Now, this is unsubstantiated stuff. This is conjecture, but there are thoughts... He was knocking around the house, though, and he didn't know what to do with himself. He wasn't purging. You know, when you've defeated everyone, what do you do? Yeah. Tell them the Jews. Go on the Jews. Because then it's like, oh, wait, it's a time in history. Is it in 1956? Oh, that's right, yeah. Yeah, it's just a time in history. I might as well... Go on to the Jews. Yeah. So, I mean, now he will die before this great big purge would happen. But, yeah, there are thoughts that maybe

35:43he would have just, you know, just fucking fuck it. Go the jews again yeah um anyway in january 1953 we come to the doctor's plot okay which is where the soviet press announced that leading doctors had been uncovered as a members of a conspiracy to murder the soviet leadership many of the accused were jewish um and so pretty much every medical specialist in the country is arrested interrogated and tortured you know he's running that shit back it's now just let's go down to the doctors um so the distrust of doctors became so extreme that basically his main source of medical advice was a bodyguard who had been a vet at some point and so by the 50s stalin had high blood pressure and cardiovascular problems but he'd arrested every doctor who was qualified

36:29to treat him so um on the evening of 28th of february 1953 uh barrier malenkov khrushchev they're eating and drinking with him all night uh at 4 a.m stalin goes to his room alone i just want to see like is this midweek Is he doing this for the weekend? Is this just meant to be like... It was a Saturday. Saturday, fine. So Saturday night. Oh, okay, fine, fine, fine. So Saturday night. So then he doesn't come out for 24 hours and everyone's like, hmm, that's weird. But it is a Sunday. Yeah. You know, give them out in a line. And he's 70-something. Day of rest. Yeah. I mean, he's hoofing it for 70-something. Yeah. You know. So they had strict orders not to disturb him. and he's 70 something day rest yeah I mean he's he's hoofing it for 70 something yeah you know

37:05so they had strict orders not to disturb him so 11pm on the 1st of March which is must be too like later that night Sunday evening is it Stalin is found unconscious on the floor heavily breathing and had pissed himself he'd had a massive stroke so no one touched him um uh and at one point a cleaning woman pushed her way through went over to style and said he's dead and just started hoovering awesome but he wasn't dead uh he was sort of barely conscious some doctor or vet who was still allowed to practice arrives basically too terrified to touch the body they put leeches on his face uh and for the next several days he drifted in and out of consciousness before on the uh 5th of march 1953 about 10 to 10 in the evening stalin passes away at the age of 74 it's an

37:58awesome time because it's like they're all when he's when when barrier thinks he's dead barrier's like slagging him off spitting at him saying you dog then he comes back and he's on his knees going oh no then he's dead again you piece of shit i always knew i'd be better than you because now i mean now it's absolute chaos because you've got all these everyone's terrified of starling starling didn't really say anything about succession right he didn't it wasn't like lenin where he was but also like this what's interesting about starling similar to Mao they're not trying to build family dynasties no which is normally a big part of being one of these great leaders you're trying to carry your line on

38:32well it's communism isn't it you just don't really there's no like the Stalin line doesn't really will get onto his children but it fades away it doesn't really his granddaughter runs a fucking antique shop in Portland Oregon yeah which is awesome yeah you can really track communism's aura yeah from Stalin who beat Hitler to some fucking woman in Portland with blue hair selling antique chairs that probably got vegan leather on them probably probably these days so his funeral the queue stretched for eight miles through Moscow 109 people get crushed to death just you know he's just is he adding to his numbers just from the death posthumously fucking just get a little Soviet Hillsborough in there

39:12why not fucking tag on why not 109 people I'm dead and I'm still killing people yeah if you think about how serious Hillsborough is and how much of a defining memory it is numbers wise in Russia it's like there's like 50 million people have died in the last 20 years. We're saying like, oh, Hillsborough. I'll never read The Sun again. What? Hillsborough? Fucking Stalin's funeral is bigger than Hillsborough. Yeah? Screaming. Screaming. Eh? Hundred percent. Yeah? The numbers are another world. Yeah, it's just the numbers are another world another world so um uh obviously throughout eastern europe everyone gets told to like publicly mourn it's like when the queen died and they can only play sad songs on the radio yeah um so then we get to the

39:57succession struggles which obviously if you've seen the death of stalin that's how that plays out malinkov, Molotov and Khrushchev now Beria is the most dangerous man because he'd run the security service and he knows where everything's buried but everyone hates him because he's he's a serial killer yeah he's truly like truly evil to another level he's a bad egg he's like burying young he's raping young girls and burying them in the garden it's like the next. He's a bad egg. He's like burying young, like he's raping young girls and burying them in the garden. It's like the next level, it's like another level. And that's just Monday. Yeah, Barry is a bad guy. So Barry gets confronted by everyone else

40:37and then Zhukov and the rest of the army arrest him. And they take his glasses and take the buttons off his trousers. Yeah, yeah. So he's trying to pull it it's humiliating absolutely humiliating so he gets executed later that year and then malinkov says i'll be successor but then he gets outmaneuvered by khrushchev i think we'll deal with khrushchev when we come to do that yeah but khrushchev is probably quite brave in that three years later he holds this this amazing speech where he basically says we can all let's should we talk about it yeah what the fuck was that what stalin was a maniac yeah that's crazy i don't want to tell tailors out of school here but that was fucking mental yeah uh and then suddenly um this is the sort of dang shall ping of yeah yeah

41:20russia just less successful i guess so uh he starts a process of de-Stalinisation, where political prisoners are released, the victims of the terror are rehabilitated, statues of Stalin start to come down, and his embalmed body was quietly removed from its place beside Lenin and buried beside the Kremlin wall. So that's a shape. So you could now have seen Lenin and Stalin embalmed next to each other. Yeah, that's a great trip you could have had to you could now have seen Lennon and Stalin embalmed next to each other that's a great you know trip advisor more embalming not less well let's see Stalin's embalmed body because it must still be there let's have a look I know it's buried now oh he looks so peaceful

41:57that's nice you can see both of them the guys the boys more embalming more not less is Stalin's body now buried? Yeah. Look, he looks so peaceful, doesn't he? Yeah, dig it out. It's still embalmed, though. He's finally pushed his last official in a canal. Yeah. Yeah. So to some Stalin up, really, I mean, the death toll, only mal can compete yeah really you're looking at something like 20 to 30 million deaths internally yeah yeah that's just internally uh that doesn't that doesn't even mean a lot of his and stalin actually kind of sort of did a lot well well this is the thing i think mal's he manufactured his families more than Mao did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Holodomor, yeah. He knew what was going on.

42:53But also, Stalin just thinks it's a necessary byproduct of progress. Yeah. But so did Hitler. And I feel like people need to... They're peas in a pod, as I've said. So, when you're scoring the doors, in modern Russia, he's basically, he's been rehabilitated recently by Putin. Putin, for that statue that went up in the Moscow train station. Right. Which was put up, I think a couple years ago. And he's trying to rehabilitate Stalin's image. And then a British reporter called Putin out and Putin immediately said, well, you've got a statue of Oliver Cromomwell outside your parliament and it's kind of like yeah you know if you think about obviously it's a smaller scale because it's britain yeah but what cromwell did in ban christmas

43:34yeah ban christmas three years we did an island like i don't know if you it's a complicated figure you still think cromwell deserves to be there because of what he did and he's an important figure even though he did bad Stalin also won in the war you would have a statue of Churchill even though he did Cromwell was robust in Ireland I mean you know I do sort of actually weirdly find myself agreeing with Putin on this one I'm like you agree with Putin on a lot I know much more than I think you quite often come in and say well you know not to agree with Putin but he's he represents the strength russia is strongest so you can understand why they'd want it but also as the most famous russian probably yeah and as the

44:13first guy to try communism he kind of leaves the blueprint for what communism will become yeah you know because he's the first one to do it but then communism sort of doesn't exist really in that way at all anymore it only really exists in like universities in the west that's what i mean but because it's been so delegitimized as an idea because of the reality of its implementation now people will say uh it was it's inevitable that that would happen because that's what it takes to implement it right but the whole marx's whole thing i mean i'll defer to the man who used to just to say this to women with no hair so you can finger them sure uh marx's whole thing was that nice to meet you this guy

44:55very sugar hello he's got two thumbs and wants to finger non-binary women hello um marx's whole thing was that at some point it is inevitable that the state will disappear because everyone will be living in some kind of shared utopia. But the irony is that the Russian state had never been more powerful than under Stalin. Because it controlled every aspect of people's life. So he would say in order to get to the point where we don't need it, then it has to be really strong. But that's, that's ironically America is the most, it's the smallest state, right? That's the irony of it in that the, the least involved state in the world is the one where people are freest. Now that, that freedom means that you're allowed to just smear shit under the shopping

45:41center wall and gun down children. But that's what freedom is. It's not freedom. Right. If you want want freedom then you go there yeah yeah and you just hope that your kids you get through school without being shot in the head but that's freedom yeah my kids are free to be massacred are your kids no yeah so but marks was like a theory and a critique of capitalism and then lennon was like well i'm gonna put my own spin on it yeah my own spin on it is that it's basically but but stalin starting to get further than lennon was like well I'm going to put my own spin on it yeah my own spin on it is that is basically it but Stalin Stalin goes further than Lennon would have I think because Lennon much further

46:09yeah and so that's the and Trotsky I mean who knows what that con would have done but what is it Charlie also the fact that at the end he just he's kind of just getting pissed and throwing people in the pond yeah go on that shows that really we're all kind of the same that's a lovely thought communist or capitalist whatever whoever you just all of us in the end just want to be at home well because he started living like you live at the end chucking food out of windows yeah yeah i mean he doesn't actually if you were if people were nice to him when he was growing up maybe none of this would have happened well there's all these point yeah you know communist or capitalist we can all agree it's

46:43really fun chucking stuff out of windows that's not meant to go out of there if we're all doing that maybe it's fine defenestrating lattes yeah there's more that unites us than divides us yeah hot coffees out of windows charlin yeah charlin yeah I mean it's been a big series five parts Charlie your closing thoughts on starling on the man well it's kind of that really yeah we all just want to be at home chucking mates in ponds yeah yeah I guess so watching telly I mean that shows that everyone dresses up all serious on Starlin on the man? Well, it's kind of that, really. Yeah. We all just want to be at home chucking mates in ponds. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Putting tomatoes in mates' pockets. Watching telly.

47:07I mean, that shows that everyone dresses up all serious, but that's all we really want to do. At the end of the day, you want to go watch telly and have a laugh. All right, well, that's a nice message to take away. Thanks for checking with us for this five-part epic on the Patreon. We're dealing with Starlin's children and the life and times of friend of the pod, Lorente Berry. Next week will be a brand new topic. Probably be some roughage to just sort our stomachs out after this absolute mixed grill. Until then. Bye. Running a growing business means doing all the things. Campaign things. Pipeline things. Support and follow-up things. And somehow, keeping track of all of it. HubSpot Self-Updating CRM pulls in emails and

48:06meeting notes automatically, keeping your records current and helping you see what to do next. So you can focus on building demand, winning deals and keeping customers coming back. You know, the things most worth doing. Learn more at HubSpot.com. Now for a quick message from Anthropic, the team behind Claude, the AI built for businesses. Imagination doesn't need permission, just room to play. Claude is an AI that works alongside you to give your ideas the space they need to grow. And then it helps you make them real and ready to ship. Discover more with Claude at claude.ai. Welcome to the 50th Hunger Games. Witness the beginning of the revolution. Hey, Mitch. You've been trying to take down these games from the start.

49:00Filmed for IMAX. Make them remember you. The Hunger Games. Sunrise on the Weeping. November 20th. Made at PG-13.