Fin vs History · · Transcript & summary by WhipScribe
Summary, chapters and key takeaways for this episode are on their way; the transcript below is complete.
Our own transcript of the public episode, with a timestamp about every 90 seconds. Tap a timestamp or the link button on a paragraph to copy a link that opens this page there.
0:00Listen your way to cash back. Earn unlimited 3% cash back on entertainment, streaming, even your Spotify subscription when you pay with the Venmo Visa credit card and its new rewards program. Plus, earn an extra 1% when you split purchases with friends. Learn more at venmo.com slash about slash credit card. The Venmo credit card is issued by Synchrony Bank pursuant to a license from Visa USA Incorporated. See Venmo credit card rewards program terms. Use of cash back is subject to the terms of the Venmo user agreement. Split transaction must be completed within 30 days of purchase. I don't know what I'm doing. Need a break. Forget it, I quit. Escape to Pluto TV. This is objectively fantastic.
0:37Relax into the movies and shows you already know and love, all for free. Swing! Even our news is uplifting. You stay classy, San Diego. Watch Tommy Boy, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy, We'll be right back. Glimmer, the new eau de parfum by Estée Lauder. An amber floral fragrance with a gourmand twist. With notes of macaron rose accord, amber embrace accord, and shimmering patchouli. A glimmer is a small, unexpected moment of joy that shifts your energy and how you feel. A scent to be felt, remembered, and shared. Discover more at EstéeLauder.com. What makes you glimmer? Welcome back to FinVersus History. Joining me is Horatio Gould. Ah! Oh, it's part three of Stalin.
1:48Fold your prostates back out. This is about as good as it gets. It doesn't get better than this. In the 20th century history, Stalin, mid-30s onwards. You were saying potentially our biggest episode yet, which I think is definitely up there for sure this is the great terror it's terrifying are you feeling terrifying? this is a horror film in this episode we're going to deal with Stalin's great terror with the gulags with the assassination of Trotsky and then the two genders will meet yeah yeah when two become one the rutting stags never have two stags rutted harder than the soviet pact my god it doesn't get bigger than this this is a juicy steak okay enjoy it because as sure as water turns to snow there will be a woman on at some point right which means it's unlike yeah it might not happen
2:52no i don't know all right i'm excited yeah and can you blame me no i can't blame you can you blame me all right there's a lot of good stuff so we're in i love that it's called the great terror and we've just had one of the worst famines in history and then we've moved on to the next chapter which is the great terror yeah sort of undermines what's just happened yeah it should be called you think that was bad yeah basically that's what's great about russian history it's just each chapter is like hold my beer hold my beer we had the whole lot of more and now we have the whole lot of my beer you thought that was bad yeah by the mid-30s stalin you know he this is like burn him in four years time yeah the the change has been foundational okay pret is dissolved yeah no
3:42more pret everything's greg's. You go to the Waldorf, it's Greggs. Right? Claridge's is Greggs. Number 10 North, this is. You know, like Spectre, its tentacles are everywhere. Yeah. You go to State of the Ritz, it's just a big Greggs. You forgot what food that isn't Greggs tastes like. Forced collectivization. The Holodomor has devastated the Ukrainian countryside as well as the Holodomu, okay? 11 million cows. 11 million cows are gone, yeah? And they're not even made into beef. Have you seen how much beef is in a cow? Have you seen those? Did you get those videos? No. We have very different algorithms. I get Welsh butchers showing me how much. I basically am tempted, much in the way that I subscribe to olive oil,
4:24I'm often tempted. Beef subscription. No. If I have the, I am already married, thank you. If I have. No worries. If I had the freezer space, you buy a whole cow at once, right? The amount of beef you get in a cow. You're already on the road to that. You buy wholesale, right? Yeah. You buy big cuts of meat my freezer space is taken up with a lot of kids food like turkey dinosaurs and potato waffles right so what you want is a natural cold room and a hanging carcass yeah that's the dream yeah when you start building the fucking eagle's nest when i start building burtis garden in the home counties which is the end point of this podcast where I can look out across the Kemp Downs from the Eagle's Nest
5:09yeah I will have a cold room and people will come round and I'll open the door and I'll show them in it and they'll be slightly menacing I'll be like you know you get the wrong side of me I'll hang you up in my cold room and I'll eat you like a cow but if you're on my right side what flank of beef would you like what would you like would you like a sirloin today or a ribeye? I've got everything. I've got an entire cow in here. The amount of beef... How long does a cow keep in a cold room? I think it's just... If it's cold, it's fine. Yeah, I mean, how long is stuff keeping in the freezer? It's the freezer. Forever. I think it's forever, isn't it? Really? Yeah, you're not going to get ill. It's just going to taste like dust.
5:41It's just going to get a bit chewy, isn't it? Okay, but there's quality difference for beef. I'm sure some chef nonce listening will be like, I'm actually... A pedophile, a cooking pedophile. Yeah, I'm sure a pedophile would complain. Because the bacteria in there are fucked. Are they dead? Do they leave? Those are fucked up. Yeah, they're frozen. So they're kind of waiting. I think they're waiting. Bacteria are kind of immortal. I don't know. It did say about four weeks four weeks no indefinitely did it say that food stored continuously safe to eat indefinitely although quality and flavor decline after a few months yeah okay okay that's good that's what you've got about four to twelve months for quality
6:19of uh raw meat so now you're inviting people you don't even like over just to try and finish this fucking cow no i'm not i'm just muckbanging it myself. Next grill again for dinner while I look out over the Kent Downs from the nest. Yeah? With my massive fireplace that was a gift from Mussolini. Anyway, let's get back to Stalin part three. He has transformed Soviet society. That's fair to say. And he's been reading about Ivan the Terrible which yeah I guess this is one of the few red flags that start to appear for Stalin well he's a Soviet I mean there's a lot of red flags because it's communism right they're fucking everywhere and that's what makes it confusing yes to know what's a red flag
7:00that's why he managed to get away with so much what is a red flag when there are red flags on every lamppost yeah so he reads about Ivan the. That's why he managed to get away with so much. What is a red flag when there are red flags on every lamppost? Yeah. So he reads about Ivan the Terrible, but maybe he starts to draw the wrong lessons from him. Yes, from the Terrible. As he puts it, death is the solution to all problems. Yeah, so he thought it was Ivan the Brilliant, which is a different reading. No man, no problem. It's his cover version of No Woman, No Cry. No man, no problem. Yeah, he starts to get these lessons from Ivan the Terrible. You know, I mean, if you're into Russian history
7:29and then you're acting on it, it's bad. Right, right. So, now there's a bloke called Kirov who is his mate, I think, who's a loyal supporter and he's becoming one of the most popular figures in the Communist Party. Yeah, you can't be liked. No. You can't be liked around the office. You got you've got such a needle you've got a thread yeah because you can't be too crap no you just can't be like and you can't be disliked you just kind of got to be it is sort of like the traitors where the the people who go under the radar the honda potsemp it is this is celebrity you've got to come out of the woodwork episode seven episode eight is when you do the explosive stuff yeah but you've got to be just blending in and if your thing is the problem that people
8:09that go on the traitors um they are you know this is the most exciting thing that will ever happen to them yeah and so they're trying to use it to build a platform that they can put out a shit web series afterwards right reviewing cars or whatever yeah so the problem is they get too giddy and excited about the platform they have when really they need to bide their time. And also, you know, if you've got a deformity, you're out. They're voting for you first. I remember one of the first Traitors seasons, Aubrey was the first guy. He was this old guy who said that he was amazing at reading people and he kept telling everyone, I'm brilliant at reading people. And he had a really big trilby on. Yeah, he was the oldest guy there.
8:43And everyone was like, we have nothing to go off. What about that guy who keeps saying he's amazing at reading people? And he'd a really big trilby on. Yeah, he was the oldest guy there. And everyone was like, we have nothing to go off. What about that guy who keeps saying he's amazing at reading people? And he'd done such a big read and immediately was out. Didn't even get a chance. Yeah, yeah, idiot. That's not how you play the power game. In Stalin's Russia, he's dead. He's dead immediately. Big trilby saying, I'm a master at reading people. I'm amazing at reading people. We'll kill you then. Fucking off. He says he's a master at reading people. He's clearly not. In October 1934, there is a disgruntled
9:07communist called leonid nikolaev he walks into the building where kirov works okay uh but luckily security guards have stopped him before he reaches kirov and found they find they find a gun right and nikolaev is questioned but then released and they give his pistol back to him okay weird yeah six weeks later he comes back to him okay weird yeah six weeks later he comes back to the office and shoots kirov in the back of the neck okay so the police were like now don't do that again yeah yeah and then they load it they take the safety off don't do that again yeah he works up there don't do that again when he comes back what have you done yeah what did we tell you we told him fucking hell some Some people. So the murder becomes, again, a great turning point, they say.
9:48There's a lot of turning points. He sort of turned back on himself. He should be nice now. If he's a turning point, he should be really nice. It's actually consistent. The problem is he doesn't turn. He's just one direction. He's turning 360 every time. He's just carrying on going forward. Nikolaev is arrested, interrogated, placed on trial and is then convicted and executed by firing squad the same day. Now that is an efficient judicial system. Think about all the inquiries in liberal democracy Britain. They take years and years. Even the Man City charges. How long is that going to take? How long does that take? No, I'm suspicious of you. I'm going to kill all of you. Suspicious, confession, executed,
10:28done. Former political rivals start being accused of organising Kirov's assassination and Stalin is turning it into a conspiracy. He's becoming more and more paranoid because he's smoking the herb. Smoking the herb, listening to No Man, No Problem. No man, no problem. Really prang me out this. This is strong stuff. Yeah, super skunk. And then he's looking at all the red flags being like fucking hell. This all clicks. All connecting. But the whole, the thing is he also has a bit of an insecurity about his role in the revolution because he wasn't that involved. So the big problem is obviously Trotsky was much more involved, has a bit of an insecurity about his role in the revolution because he wasn't that involved so the
11:05the big problem is obviously trotsky was much more involved but also any of the old bolsheviks who are the ones sorry all bolsheviks have the most respect and power because they've been there from the start so they're as big as threats and he's just killing anyone who's been there for a while well he's starting to yeah so uh because trotsky's in mexico yeah shacked up with the even more insufferable frida carlo and he's publishing uh you know i mean he's he's uh he's defaming stalin's what he's doing right okay yeah he's basically publishing he's like tweeting him you know the people who just won't stop tweeting one person yeah sort of grayling anything in it from yeah okay yeah um uh so stalin's feeling a bit under pressure
11:44and you're right he has this intellectual insecurity about the revolution because he's not one of the big brains he's the only one who has the righteous way to retell events because he was there yeah exactly and also has the only kind of authority yeah authority as well so what he does is he takes uh now it's zinoviev and kamenev who were two of the huge leninist loyalists from the revolution. And they both helped Stalin defeat Trotsky in the 20s. Yeah. But they then turned against him because of the, all the grain stuff and the, hold on my beer. Yeah. So, they were part of the Troika, which was the, three person leadership straight after Lenin. So, Kamenev and other prisoners are taken to the Kremlin
12:25confronted by Stalin. Right. Stalin says their guilt has been established. They don't need, they have no like comeback. Right. He says, you either confess publicly and your families are spared or you don't and they all die. They agreed. Right. Foreign journalists are invited to watch and these are where we get the show trials. Show trials for some reason it's too close to show tunes and stuff. It feels musical theatre-y. Show. Show trials, for some reason, it's too close to show tunes and stuff. It feels musical theatre-y. Show trial. Yeah, for some reason and when I think show trial, I think it's got like, it's like a lawyer, you know, he's guilty, your honour. Guilty, guilty. Yeah. So they all confess
12:58that all these heroes of the revolution, so this is only what, 15, 18 years on or something, they confess to plotting assassinations to sabotaging the Soviet economy conspiring with foreign powers attempting to restore capitalism etc and the public are kind of convinced by it Stalin himself is up at night writing slogans and like actual confessions the left has a unique ability to eat itself because you can always claim someone for another team in a way that the right doesn't really do in the same way. No. You don't really have, you're not actually a racist. Yeah. Racists are actually very welcoming to other racists. That's the great irony. Yeah. Is it the left are more intolerant? No, he's pretending he's a racist.
13:36He's not. No one's saying that. I trust your racism. Yeah. You know? I think we'll get on. Yeah. You know? We may be different, but we're both racist. Yeah, yeah. Whereas the left are like, no, I'm more anti-racist than you. You're actually a bit racist. Yes get on. Yeah. You know, we may be different, but we're both racist. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas the left are like, no, I'm more anti-racist than you. You're actually a bit racist. Yes, exactly. Yeah. So, I'm saying you're not racist, but you're thinking racist stuff. Yeah, we're all thinking it. Micro racist. We're all thinking it. It's about whether you say it or not. Yeah. All right. Some people. Or you say it too. Yeah, exactly. Are you using WhatsApp or are you using whatsapp or using
14:05are the doors closed are the windows closed there's different levels is it is it is it whatsapp or is it facebook marketplace yeah my book is out now reminder this is still out now and not only that it's a sunday times bestseller number two beaten by guy with a wi-fi password for a name yeah i was gutting fat c Guy at the Wi-Fi password for a name. Yeah, I was gutting. Fat cunt with a Wi-Fi password for a name. Talking about, I don't know what he's talking about. I don't know. It's like a myth, like health myths debunked. Some shit. But you ate Julian Anderson for breakfast. I ate Julian Anderson, and I would eat Julian Anderson for breakfast. I will still like to do that. Julian, if you're listening.
14:41Yeah, ideal breakfast. Let's put the books down. Yeah. Let's stop fighting. Stop fighting. What's really going on? Come over it was number one saturday times bestseller which i didn't realize was a thing until my publisher sent me that and i was like i've never heard of that before he went yeah no one really cares right it's still available and you know with the gift the christmas season coming up what am i going to get my dad this book yeah yeah it's a great christmas it's a great, a great stocking filler. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to get a bloke hard to buy for who, if he wants something, he'll buy it himself. Introduce him. Yeah. A new world of ideas. To the esteemed racist work of Finn Taylor.
15:18My words. Who's in the history section? Who's eating my dust? Lucy Worsley. Oh, fuck. See you later, love. See you... Yeah? Get in the bin, Lucy. Get in the bin, love. Yeah? That's where you belong. Messrs. Holland and Sandbrook, get to fuck, mate. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. They ate my dust. Yeah, fucking... Number 10 on the list. Who fucking cares? Buy the book. It's out now. Bonjour, compadre. It's the... Priceline Negotiator. How do I negotiate so many great travel deals? My greatest gadget, the Priceline app. It's got hotel deals, flight deals, rental car deals, all of those deals in a bundle. Deals, game day deals, concert trip deals. No one deals more deals than Priceline. Hold your horses.
16:01There's more. The app lets you filter hotels by neighborhood, vibe, star level, and amenities like pools and spas and beachfronts. Wait, I'm not done. Stop cutting me off. Listen your way to cash back. Earn unlimited 3% cash back on entertainment, streaming, even your Spotify subscription when you pay with the Venmo Visa credit card and its new rewards program. Plus, earn an extra 1% when you split purchases with friends. Learn more at venmo.com slash about slash credit card and its new rewards program. Plus, earn an extra 1% when you split purchases with friends. Learn more at venmo.com slash about slash credit card. The Venmo credit card is issued by Synchrony Bank pursuant to a license from Visa USA Incorporated.
16:33See Venmo credit card rewards program terms. Use of cash back is subject to the terms of the Venmo user agreement. Split transaction must be completed within 30 days of purchase. Right, so, but this is probably like, this like this is to what my point earlier this is the foundational left eating itself moment isn't it this is kind of the archetype this is the the main time that the left implodes but there's a lot of communism in the 20th century and it's because it's the first time it's been tried this sets the tone for how it happens almost any every other place yes paul pot China, it has very similar, but this is the first time to do it, really. But then people would say... East Germany. Yeah, but then people would say
17:10this is inevitable when these ideas come into contact with reality. Right. That's what people would argue. Whose people? Yeah, that's what I would say. Yeah. Me and Jeremy Clarkson, that's what we'd say. We're writing a Times op-ed. Yeah. Yeah, just on your iPad in your pants. You've got a glass like that. Yeah. Andy Burnham is a communist. He's going to eliminate the Pratt class. We can't be going to Pratt. He's going to kill Caleb and everything's going to be Greg's. You're going to stay at Five Sides Out. It's just Greg's. That's all it's going to be. Don't read it through once. Send it off. Publish it. I'll take the money. Yeah. And then I'll go and fucking kill a cow or something. Now,
17:46in just a few years, Stalin basically kills everyone from the October Revolution. So he is the remaining guy from the revolution. Apart from Trotsky, who's still in Mexico. So this purge, now is it the first kind of political purge, almost? Certainly the great purges. Well, I mean, he's inspired by Ivan the Terrible, who did it to the boyars. If you remember the kind of political purge almost certainly the great purges well i mean he's inspired by the even the terrible who did it to the boyars if you remember the kind of elite class of the aristocracy he purged them yeah i guess they're in a modern sense potentially i guess you know purging but then um hitler did like night but that was after this night it was after it was about the same time
18:20actually 34 so they're both the two you know purging they're peas in a pod purges in a pod right hitler and sardine parallel lives yeah peas in a purge peas in a purge now um but in terms of like purging nowadays is you know these days it's fucking wankers having something shoved up their ass and you know hold up what what do you mean oh you mean like a full fucking flavor flavor right hold on run that shit back oh you mean like a full body purge it's thrown up it's getting someone shut up your ass and flushing your guts out you know this is a purge phoebe says purge is throwing up because of an eating disorder that these days yeah and there wasn't eating disorders but that's her extremism once again, affecting the script. State eating disorders.
19:05State mandates of eating disorders. Women made famines. Thank you for you. What is it, Charlie? Are you tempted by a juice purge? Say that again? Are you tempted by a juice purge? What, the one Hitler did? Lovely stuff. Come on. Lovely bit of business. What else do you want? Huh? Smoothies. Did you get what I said? Juice purge, yeah. Yeah, right. lovely stuff come on lovely bit of business what else do you want eh smoothies did you get what I said juice purge yeah yeah right fine purge of the juice you just kept just said smoothies like nothing had happened um anyway so this purge bleeds into the great terror right okay this is the the holodomob here yeah this is what I mean though these are
19:41these names sort of they blend into each other it's sort of the whole thing's the great. Do you know? The awful famine blends into the evil purge that goes with the great terror. It doesn't really... It goes into World War II. It doesn't really mean anything. So just, again, let's just... If you're Russian, okay, and you're born, let's say, 1910. Oh, I mean, insane life. Revolution. Holodomor. Holodomor. If you're Ukrainian... Great... Oh, my God. Then you get... No, if you. Revolution. Holodomor. Yeah. Holodomor. If you're Ukrainian. Oh, my God. Then you get... No, if you're 1910, World War I, revolution, all of that, the whole of communism, fucking Chernobyl, and then the fall of the communists.
20:16You'll die as communism's falling and all that shit up in there. Kind of insane. And if you make it to 9-11 as well, if you move to New York for 9-11, perfect life. Perfect life. Four marks. And you die in 9-11 as well, if you move to New York for 9-11, perfect life. Perfect life. Four marks. And you die in 9-11. Yeah. Yeah. But you have to die in the impact zone. What's this? The oldest reported person in Romanian history. Ukrainian. Ukrainian. So she lived through it all. Wow. She's just died. chernobyl mini series there was that old babushka who wouldn't she's milking a cow oh sorry in that you're that fucking old babushka you know what i mean like i know i'm like maybe we're podcasting my bushka can you fucking keepka any time. We're podcasting. Can you fucking keep your ablutions to yourself? To be fair,
21:05we must say Ethel Gatron has not lived as a, she's had a privileged life compared to the Ukrainians. Well, when was she born? She's just turned 117. She's done World War II, I guess. The Blitz and stuff. 1909. 1909. And Shipton Bellinger. Born Shipton Bellinger. She's born in, she wasn't called Shipton Bellinger. Oh, right, I see. But it's a good name, Shipton Bellinger. That's a sturdy woman. Yeah. 1909, so she's, you know, the Titanic happened. World War I. Iron Brew. Iron Brew was invented. Yeah, she saw it all. Anyway. So this current Ukrainian people, oldest Ukrainian that Phoebe just got up, who was born in 1917. Yeah. And now she's still alive. And they're living through now. If they make it to now
21:45they must be like guys I've seen this before I know can you change the fucking record yeah yeah wow that is awesome yeah let's just try let's try being happy for once can we try that one or does that have to be miserable each time and then they die I wonder what's next it's like the blue zone thing yeah in Ukraine from the great terror to the super awful to the really bad yeah to the oh awful to the really bad. Yeah, to the, oh my God, the terror again. This bleeds into the Great Terror, as you said. And so this is a campaign of mass arrests, executions, deportations, enemies of the state. This is, you know, communism 101. Now what's interesting about this period is he basically, the Great Terror,
22:23he runs it like the grain re--inquisition where it's all like uh targets to be hit yeah so he does the same with murdering people yeah as he did for grain there's a sentence where he says well maybe it's not him someone says find me the man and i will find the crime yeah because he's got his attack dog barrier whoia, who I think we'll get to. On the Patreon, we'll be discussing Beria in full detail. But yeah, he's the head of the NKVD, which was the Cheka, which was the Okrana. Beria is the Mengele of this story, really. He's sort of like, you know, he's gone on an alt direction, but sort of, you know, focused. Oh, that was his quote. Sorry, that was his quote. Show me the man and I'll find you the crime.
23:02Yeah. He's also one, yeah, numbers wise, maybe the biggest rapist of all time. Wow. Which is a big saying something. Wow. You know, we've got to give Russell Brand his flowers for trying to reach those numbers. There's a chance he did hit those. I mean, there's a chance he hit those numbers. Not Chagr of the year. No chance. No, no. Beria's rapist of the year. They're very different. Yeah. So Stalin issues massive numbers number he says there are these huge quotas um now he this i enjoy i enjoyed this a lot he would sit there they're kind of the montage of this yeah it's great amazing it's just him and his desk just basically ticking people just giving him names he's just ticking and you see he wrote little things so he would write he
23:42get these names in front of them and then he would write little uh like notes in the margins including he right deserves it so he would oh yeah scum prostitute deserves i love deserves it yeah because it's a bit gay as well deserves it snake so that's that's what happens when yeah yeah deserves it come in the king you best not miss that kind of stuff is there is there any more satisfying man sitting at desk than having a list of names you're killing and just going scum prostitute also you're ticking their life they're dead you've killed you've killed them already you've ticked their life off I like that it's still adding insult to injury you've already you're already killing them in front of their family
24:21that's how I go through job applications scum prostitute deserves it deserves a job that's how we go through job applications. Scum. Prostitute. Deserves it. Deserves the job. That's how he got Phoebe, actually. Yeah, exactly. Scum, prostitute. Scum, prostitute, crossed out, deserves it. No, give her the job. When we looked at the rest of the applications. I saw the name went prostitute. Sorry, deserves the job, actually. Very good TV. Yeah, but also ticking someone to death. Yeah. That's communist, right? That's power. Yeah, it is. Yep. Yep. That's communist, right? That's power. Yeah, it is. Yep. Yep. Deserves it. He also enjoyed adding comments to photos of male nudes, which we discussed in the Russian Revolution series.
24:52I don't remember this. Yeah, there was... We'll maybe deal with it in the next part, but he goes through a period later on in his life of critiquing male nudes, saying you need to work, not wank. Do you remember that? Yeah. That's later, Stalin. I think we'll get to that later.ank do you remember that yeah but that's later stalin i think we'll get to that later get to that next part anyway so that's when he's got no more like real enemies to fight he's gone a bit mad but he's gone a bit mad because he doesn't know where to put this energy so now he's putting it into male nudes exactly i mean what do you do after world war two do you know what i mean yeah anyway so uh now you wanted to talk about this particular
25:22order well i was looking at the purge because i couldn't work out when i think of the great terror it's quite hard to conceptualize because i know he got rid of his political opponents but that's like what max 200 300 people i think it's 180 you know what i mean so 750 000 people died so i was wondering where the vast majority of those executions were apparently almost half of them came from one order, which was the NKVD order number 00447, literally Star Wars shit. Yeah. And I think it was, I mean, once again, quite similar to the Ukraine famine, where it was just former kulaks and not, it was just, you know, anyone. It's just Phil, get 350,000 people and kill them. Yeah. Just make up a reason why, basically.
26:03But that was all on one order. So half the people, so half the total people who died in the Great make up a reason why, basically. But that was all on one order. So half the people, so half the total people who died in the Great Terror are from one order assigned on the 30th of July, 1937. Yeah. 400,000 executions. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. How were they executed? Let's get some details because a lot of this can sometimes be, it's hard, it gets a bit of a blur. Yeah. We need some gory details to really focus in. I think it's a lot of it's firing squad, isn't it? Right. And a lot of it is gul isn't it right and a lot of it is gulag but where do you just do it wherever yeah back of the head where would they do it
26:32just where would be a normal place they'd do it there'd be like secret trials where they'd just go how do you plead innocent well we think you're guilty bang skabang it's bang basically they're in basements where they buried mandated method with death by shooting typically yeah it's just shot in the back of the head a lot of bullets It's bang, basically. They're in basements. Mandated method with death by shooting. Yeah, it's just shot in the back of the head. A lot of bullets. Okay, there's like a shooting range near Moscow. Secrecy in peril. Executions were carried out in strict secrecy, so it wouldn't be out in the street. Prisons, regional headquarters or secluded suburban fire ranges such as the Betevot shooting range.
27:03Can we go on there? Is that still there? There's a lot of bullets. Yeah. But how have they got so many bullets? Because Stalin has got the economy moving. Right. He really has. So it's, you know. He's eating fibre. And they're eating bullets, you know. Get the economy moving. You can do anything. Yeah. Right. Can you shoot someone with a cabbage? Yes, you can. Obviously, you just put a cabbage in a cannon charlie cabbage ball hold up and it can cause severe injury or even death depending on the velocity while it sounds like a joke firing a dense heavy vegetable like a cabbage out of a compressed air cannon transforms it into a dangerous projectile well thank you ai yes we are we may be joking but there's serious there's serious damage that can be done. This is why the Ukrainians
27:46have held out so long against the Russians. It is. They're firing cabbages at drones. That's what I understand is the current conflict is. The cabbage derby. Impact. In tests conducted by shows like Mythbusters, cabbages fired from a pneumatic cannon carry enough force to shatter targets and punch through solid structures. If a two-bound cabbage strikes a human being at high speeds, it acts as a blunt force object. Well, there you go. Facial trauma if it hits the head. Imagine dying from a cabbage to the head. You couldn't... I'm going to say you wouldn't live with yourself, but obviously you'd... But my God. Yeah, humiliating. I really hope I don't die that way. Give me the ick. Yeah. Say something.
28:22I mean, at the funeral, you'd just be laughing. Yeah. You know? This is what we were laughing Charlie recently went skydiving and we were worried what were you thinking about when about you if you died obviously it'd be devastating and it'd be you know personally quite be quite emotional of course but it would also it also is it perfect yeah but also it's like i don't know how long before we joke about it i don't know if like it's obviously so shocking i'll be i'll be so upset i don't trust you jumped out a plane yeah and just splatted brazilian dignitas stuff it's like like what are you doing what comes first the laugh or the cry i really don't know I don't I don't trust myself genuinely before I started crying
29:08I go of course he did jumped out of a plane with no one attached to him I go for fucks yeah yeah well he died how he lived didn't he yeah throwing poo into the toilet he threw himself out of the plane yeah the instructor wait oh fuck that's what the skydiving instructor. You're not chained onto the... Oh, fuck. I'm going to lose my licence. Fucking idiot. Wait, Finn, I'll show you. Have you seen this video? Have you seen the video? No, I've seen the photos of you. It gets the... Mouth open like a fucking fish the whole time. Yeah, have you noticed how he's strapped to... Beethoven's brother. Have you noticed that? Look at his smug face. The guy's sky-living is looking at the camera like, look at that.
29:58You would be a bit smug, though. Yeah, the Charlie's absolutely losing his mind. And Beethoven's brother's just like... You look like a turtle. You look like a tortoise. brother's just like... You look like a turtle. You look like a tortoise. What are you thinking? It's like a tortoise spotting a lettuce. What does it feel like, Charlie? It feels like you are about to die. It feels like you're plummeting. I think your body thinks you're about to die. Look at my fucking face. Not looking at the ground? Yeah. Hating it. Yeah, to be honest, for the first... I'm screaming. Look at it. Yeah, to be honest, for the first... I'm screaming. Look at that. Screaming. Where are you doing this? In the Fens.
30:32Flatest part of the UK. I don't want to die in the Fens. Anyway. Fucking hell. I don't think I'd do that. Yeah. Right. Anyway. So, yeah, basically the pressure to meet all these targets, they're just random limits, they're called, basically means that torture is encouraged, accusations is, I mean, it's a complete, complete bloodbath. When people are uncooperative, Stalin just says, squeeze them until they talk. Yeah. I don't think that's literally squeeze. I think it's probably more brutal than that yes what depends whether they're squeezing um children are encouraged to think of themselves as stalin's children first and then their parents children second there's mao as well this is the communist thing you destroy the relationship between the parent and the child
31:17and get it's all powerful exactly get the children to tell on their parents. So, a lot of people are sent to the gulag, which is essentially... We dealt with this slightly in the last episode. It's prison labour. A productive concentration camp. Yes, exactly. Beria holds these... Stalin says to Beria at one point, who's going to remember all this riffraff in 10 or 20 years' time? No one. Well, they had no idea that we'd be doing an episode about them. But they were right. What one. Well, they don't know that we, they had no idea that we'd be doing an episode about them. But they were right. What do you mean? I don't remember, I don't know who any of their names are. Right, fair enough. Stalin, yeah.
31:52Beria, yeah. You know them. We're not doing a Patreon episode and maybe we got squeezed. Exactly. Yeah. Some people are forgotten because they're meant to be. Yeah. My words, thousands of names bear his initials and ticks. Deserves it. Deserves it. He's a. Yeah. My words. Thousands of names bear his initials and ticks. Deserves it. Prostitute. Scum. Scum. So, crucially, he also sends a lot of the high-ranking military to the Gulag. So, 80% of the highest-ranking generals and commanders are removed, executed. That's so many. 35,000 red army officers removed yeah so this is all just before world war ii as well bear in mind yeah in the sort of late 30s everyone is rearming germany under hitler has an army about three and
32:38a half million men right britain has like a tiny army the u. US have less than 200,000. Stalin has a huge army, but takes out all his own high command. A lot of them get sent to the gulag rather than killed, which is important for later, but many of them do just get executed. Now, the gulags were actually Lenin's idea. Give him his flowers. Those are Lenin's idea. He's not all bad. No, he was a good guy he could have fun when it mattered right but Stalin expands it and prisoners are expected to work to make the camp economically useful yeah their output would depend how much food would determine the food they get slave labour industrial development etc I feel like we I mean the camp's become quite full after terror.
33:28And prisoners refer to it as dry execution. Death through hunger, cold, relentless physical labour. What's wet execution then? When your brains are splattered everywhere, maybe? Yeah, I guess so. Drowning. Yeah. Dry food versus wet food for dogs. Yeah. Kibble. Wet food's better for dogs,. Yeah. Kibble. Wet food's better for dogs, right? It's classier. But it's gross. It's expensive and it's gross. And it makes the kitchen honk of tribe. Are you doing wet food? We'd put a bit of wet food in with the kibble just to help her get the kibble. She won't go for kibble. I'm talking about the dog, right? She's fussy about the kibble. Yeah, yeah. So she's more discerning than Charlie is. My dog actually does have more yeah does have a higher discerning taste buds yeah
34:13i'd love to i'd love to see the dog i'd love to see the two of you go out for a meal and there's two bowls on the floor and you're both just you're gonna eat that you're gonna finish that you finish that kibble yeah she quite often leaves a bit of kibble around the bowl because she's eating all the wet food i don't know what kibble is you'd like it it's like dry food sort of biscuits i like meaty biscuits crackers yeah yeah if you like um you'll be on the floor face down this is fucked this is fucked who made this this? Fuck me. Arse in the air. Arse in the air. Yeah. Face in the bowl. So, they think 2.7 million people died in the gulag. However, dying prisoners, I like this, they were released shortly before death so that they didn't die in the gulag.
35:00Doesn't count. Go over there. But it doesn't count. It's not a gulag death. No, it's not. It's not in the gulag. Yeah, you fucking died in natural causes. You left and you died, which means you should have stayed. So don't leave. Yeah. Who's that for? Huh? Who's that for? Stalin's enjoying that. What do you mean, who's that for? Is that as a joke or is that for statistics? Is that for the papers? What? It's for papers. No, is it that so that we don't think that he killed as many people? Yes. But who's that for at the time who's checking what's the question why does he care he's angry yeah come on why does he smack in his head why does he care it's about perception isn't it reputation by who
35:39by the rest of the world his own people is anyone there the Daily Mail is at the gate what's going what's going well there's there's other equivalents to is anyone there the Daily Mail is at the gate what's going on well there's other equivalents to the Daily Mail really the reporters are at the gulag just be like what the fuck is going on communism is all about numbers it's all about targets so fudging the numbers and targets is important for the way that you sell and propagandise the regime who's checking who cares I think it's just general discrepancies you just who cares Who's checking? Who cares? I think it's just general discrepancies. You just... You don't want a foreign journalist finding out?
36:12You know what, Charlie? It's quite hard to do a history podcast when you're just going, yeah, but who cares? Who fucking cares? Quite a lot of people. Yeah. No, I care. A lot of people care. Well, you care then. I care about this question. Well, then it's to stop you finding out then. Yeah. Well, I know now. It's all for you. Or it didn't work. It didn't work everything was for you um now stalin has a huge cultural personality right uh he presents himself as lennon's successor and then gradually photoshop's lennon out of the picture um so there's lots of photographs showing lennon stalin having a good time together yes which is kind of doctored it's early Photoshop stuff yeah yes early AI stuff
36:49yeah from 1935 nurseries display the slogan thank you dear comrade Starlin for a happy childhood and that's like when we had thank you dear comrade Starlin for a happy we had the same thing in London that's recently just gone so they have during a speech he has an 11 minute standing ovation because people are terrified to be the first person to stop clapping it's like Cannes yeah it is like Cannes it's like a crap film at Cannes yeah any film at Cannes it's bollocks everyone's clapping yeah so let's get to my favourite bit of the story Stalin tying up the loose end right of that wanker in Mexico. The ultimate loose end. The ultimate Leon Trotsky, right? Starting or growing your own business can be intimidating
37:30and lonely at times. Your to-do list may feel endless with new tasks and lists can easily begin to overrun your life. So finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything as a built-in business partner can be a game changer for millions of businesses that tool is shopify shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 of all e-commerce in the u.s from household names like gymshark rare beauty and heinz to brands just getting started shopify has hundreds of ready to use templates that can help you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. And you can tackle all the important tasks in one place, from inventory to payments to analytics and more.
38:16No need to save multiple websites or try to figure out what platform is hosting the tool that you need. And if people haven't heard about your brand, you can get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you with easy to run email and social media campaigns to reach customers wherever they're scrolling or strolling. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify, and start hearing. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash realm. Go to shopify.com slash realm. That's shopify.com slash realm. Stop it. This is about vacation inflation and how Priceline negotiates amazing deals on hotels, flights, and rental cars. Yeah, but I didn't mention that you can save up to 60% off hotels in the Priceline app.
39:16Fine. No one deals more deals than Priceline. Please stop. Touche. Priceline. Listen your way to cash back. Earn unlimited 3% cash back on entertainment, streaming, even your Spotify subscription when you pay with the Venmo Visa credit card and its new rewards program. Plus, earn an extra 1% when you split purchases with friends. Learn more at venmo.com slash about slash credit card. The Venmo credit card is issued by Synchrony Bank pursuant to a license from Visa USA Incorporated. See Venmo credit card rewards program terms. Use of cash back is subject to the terms of the venmo user agreement split transaction must be completed within 30 days of purchase um now trotsky is writing pamphlets he's condemning the purges what i like about this as well is that
39:59he's writing loads of stuff condemning it he's sending it's like british publication stuff none of it's allowed in the soviet union but stalin's reading all of it condemning it. He's sending it to like British publications and stuff. None of it's allowed in the Soviet Union, but Stalin's reading all of it. Yeah. And it's hurting his feelings. He's getting pissed off. No man, no problem. Let's hunt Trotsky down. Yeah. So he's obsessed. He becomes obsessed with Trotsky's writings. Yeah. Even though you're right, he's the only person reading it. Yeah. He's like, you what? You fucking... Come over here and say that. Come over fucking here and say that so uh now there's a there's a trotsky basically is also quite paranoid but with good
40:30reason yeah um so he builds himself paranoid he builds himself essentially bin laden's a bottle bad compound in mexico yeah right uh he's living too bad okay an ar? A burrito bad. Oh, hey. A burrito bad. Bad burrito. He's on the toilet. Trotsky's had a bad burrito and stuck on the toilet. So the NKVD are trying to penetrate Trotsky's inner circle. Right. So Trotsky knows Stalin's out for him. So he would always hide behind the seats in cars and stuff in Mexico. He settles in the Coyacan neighborhood of Mexico City, a little suburb outside. Now he's not with Frida Kahlo, but he's hobnobbing about with her yeah frida carlo our male listeners won't know but she's that annoying woman with a monobrow who's on all this kitsch stuff your
41:13girlfriend it feels like they're part of a polycule almost yeah it's just an artistic sort of everyone can rummage around in each other if they so please what did frida carlo do apart from having monobrow because i'm still bewildered she did self-portraits about um female health and uh what it means for a woman's body to change i believe or something like that there's a lot of stuff about periods what's actually yeah i think she used to do self-portraits and in ways that hadn't been done before it's actually and i'm just she was incredibly ill she had polio and survived a bus crash and her body deteriorated and she like did portraits of her own showing a woman's body injured that's just funny that I
41:54was like oh I don't know some fucking woman with a monobrow just draws her periods and it does actually work I was spot on once again never miss Taylor's laser guided focus bangs again well there you go fine anyway her and Trotsky are spot on once again never miss yeah Taylor's laser guided focus bangs again um yeah well there you go fine anyway uh anyway her and Trotsky are banging on about fucking are they banging each other I mean they're chatting a lot more than they're fucking I think but I think they fucked a little bit they did fuck did they how you can just tell fuck it up Charlie finally having any hasn't said anything is there a more punchable wedding is it going on a double date with Trotsky and Frida Kahlo
42:27this is my reaction you got two fists fuck that's what the double punch is made for left right yeah fucking hell tap ass with Trotsky and Kahlo kill me but then again every double date I go on's like that do you still go on them hey do you still go on double dates yeah when you have to if you're in a couple well if you're a couple if you're married husband and wife go on a double date yeah of course yeah it's not like they're not swingers no I'm not swinging you're not double dating as in like you've got a couple friends yeah it's called a double date what do you guys do just go out for dinner Krispy Kreme don't go to Krispy Kreme any people have similar lives to you you can't if you're a couple
43:04you can't just keep going out with single people because you're living a different life because you're fucking flinging your shit at the walls. Yeah, exactly. You're working a gulag in South London for no reason. You're going to fucking, you know, ambient music listening parties underneath railway stations where everyone's got no eyebrows. I can't do that. I've got a mortgage and two kids. We can find a middle ground. Well, yeah, it would be our ground. It would be having dinner like us, like a normal person. Charlie's quite't do that. I've got a mortgage and two kids. Yeah, we can find a middle ground. Well, yeah, it would be our grant. It would be having dinner like us, like a normal person.
43:28Charlie's quite hurt by that. Digging a fucking trench in Patagonia. Right. Anyway, so Trotsky and Carlo, right? Insufferable squared. They're wanging about Mexico. And now there's an initial assassination attempt where 20 armed men enter a burrito bar there's compounds disguised as Mexican soldiers big moustaches sombreros hey cabron they've got nacho hats I heard they had a good burrito in here they do the nacho they're difficult they've got cheese hats and Trotsky's like well they're Mexicans of course I mean it's authentic dress it's authentic Mexicans you know you've got to explore it's authentic dress it's authentic Mexicans you know you gotta explore the culture they got Doritos and a fucking sombrero
44:08they then gun him they fire 200 bullets at the house but Trotsky and his wife hide underneath their bed I don't understand how they escape I think one of his grandkids dies or gets hit anyway they both survive Stalin livid livid absolutely livid so they then go to a guy called Ramon Mercada he's a Spanish communist Anyway, they both survive. Stalin, livid. Livid. Absolutely livid. So they then go to a guy called Ramon Mercada, who's a Spanish communist who gets recruited by Soviet intelligence. And he's a Stalinist who is unknown to Trotsky, crucially. So he starts to hang out with, is it Trotsky's missus? Or he starts to become friends with his missus. Soft underbelly. The soft underbelly.
44:46Interestingly, I said that about Amanda the other day. She was your soft underbelly. Yeah, I didn't get it. She didn't get the reference, so it did not go down well at all. And I was like, no, no, no, like Churchill in Italy in 40s. Fuck! Yeah, I fucked it. I've got to realise I can't talk like I do here at home. That's what it works for. I know. Amanda's a soft underbelly. What? Oh, fuck, no. You do the reading. Anyway. So, yeah, Sylvia Agalov, who's a Trotskyist. So, Mercado residuces her. Anyway, so he chats to the guards, hands out cigarettes, doesn't immediately want to see Trotsky, and then eventually becomes part of the furniture. So this is after like weeks, is it? Then he takes Trotsky's wife shopping,
45:35takes his grandson out of the compound, drops his grandkids off at the pool. And then... Too much information. And then... I don't need to hear all this personal stuff. Then one day, what day is it? It's in 1940, I think. 20th of August, 1940. He arrives at Trotsky's house wearing a suspiciously warm coat for the summer. Yeah, and also there's a lack of nachos in his sombrero. Something's not right here. Is this guy really Mexican? Where are the cool original Doritos in your sombrero? Yeah. Why is he not followed by a mariachi band Where are the cool original Doritos in your eye. Something's just not adding up here. Again, it's a red flag that Trotsky misses. Yes. Because it's blended with all the other red flags in his room.
46:29He's a communist. He's a fucking communist, right? So he goes and says, I've written something I'd like Trotsky to look at. So he goes into his study and they're left alone. And then Trotsky starts wanging on about some bollocks on his desk. And then Mercado, I don't know how you say his name. Is it Mercedes or Mercado? Anyway, Mercado basically reveals an ice axe, not a pick. Yes. It's an ice axe, before anyone ham-actualizes me. And he smashes it into the back of Trotsky's head, which must have felt so satisfying. And this is kind of, you know, it's ann widdicombe stuff yeah i mean it is the long road he gets widdicombe he gets widdicombe or rather widdicombe gets trotsky which is funny because they're both very different politicians well
47:15exactly it's the horseshoe theory it doesn't matter if you're left or right some guy can hit you at the end of it yeah if you're an annoying politician yeah if you're annoying you're gonna get hit you've got nothing to do with policy you know it's actually quite sort of centrist stuff really at the end of the day if you've got an annoying voice it doesn't matter if you're on the right or the left oh fuck oh shut up fuck, shut up. Fuck off, idiot. Prick. But, right, unlike Widdicombe, Trotsky only gets one blow to the head. As opposed to 21. Which is perhaps over-egging it. Yes. Anyway. Gotta be sure, though. Got to be thorough. You have to be sure. Yeah, he had driven for a long journey. He's got to make the drive worth it.
48:10Yeah. So I think, did he get lodged? I think he gets lodged in his head. And then Trotsky, I mean, Mercado later claims he'd never forget Trotsky's scream. Oh, fuck. That's it, is it? Yeah. Horny. Ah. Well, it depends what fuck bored is that bored is that you and your board the one you just did was like a bored porn star on the fifth take of the day ah fuck Charlie give me you're a bored porn star give me you're a bored porn star give me a bored orgasm oh fuck I'm gonna come oh my fucking god right so it sounds great I will never forget that scream he was kind of bored and poorly and I forgot my national hat great Doritos advert though brilliant Doritos advert, cool original probably more chilly heatwave
49:19actually I reckon no, Winnicum's chilly heatwave it's got nothing to do with Mexico or Doritos just blame the Al Widdicombe what's that Doritos that's fucking weird it's just CCTV footage of Al Widdicombe getting her head bashed in and then just Doritos chilly eat wave this is quite an edgy podcast but for an ad that is spicy even for me I'm like I wouldn't sign that off I'd be like how all up for a laugh but that is I'd be like how I'm all up for a laugh but that is I'd be like how has it got to my desk that feels insensitive how has it got to my desk it feels like middle management really should have put us up to this sorry you're advertising I'm just thinking I'm thinking of the episode of Mad Men
49:56Don Draper yeah what Chili Eat Wave Doritos what you're just saying play we hammer ahead in 21 times yeah it says Chili Eat Wave what there could be a comb advert where it's like somebody what you're just saying plague hammer her head in 21 times yeah that just says shitty heatwave what there could be a comb advert where it's like somebody he's bashing her in the head with a comb and then it's like she's she's on the floor but she's got a comb in her head and it's Amber Decombe oh it's all for that I didn't know I knew it was gonna be crap but I don't know which flavour of crap it was gonna be it's nearly always the. It's all for that. I knew it was going to be crap, but I don't know which flavour of crap it was going to be.
50:27It's nearly always the rhyme. It's all for that. Rubbish. Unlike Anne Widdicombe, Trotsky fights back. He remains conscious long enough. He Rasputins it. He does. Rasputin with a small knob. He's like... And then Mercado's like, and Trotsky says, don't kill you. This man has a story to tell. So he's chatting. Yeah, he's chatting. He still won't shut up. He still won't fucking shut up. Right? At least Widdicombe zipped it. Mikado cries out, they have my mother. Right. Anyway, Trotsky gets taken to hospital and he dies the following day. right at least Whitacombe zipped it yeah Mercado cries out they have my mother right anyway Trotsky gets taken to hospital and he dies the following day yeah
51:10now Mercado is sentenced to 20 years in a Mexican prison right but he never acknowledges that he acted on Stalin's behalf and then when he's when he is freed he gets the like hero of the Soviet Union medal yes and also while he's in prison Stalin makes sure that he's getting sucked off all the time and stuff like that oh that's nice yeah it's just a nice thing he gets more comfortable chairs he gets better food he has more flavors of doritos and then he's getting lots of women sent mexican women there to suck him off oh that's nice there's a touch of class from star a mexican girlfriend you're gonna have to serve the time now ro now Roger as a female name is I don't know about that it's a bit rich
51:48to be honest we couldn't find any women who would suck you off we had to do a guy called Roger put an A on the end Rogelia yeah he's wearing a wig look at the ceiling pretend it's a woman it's a prison it's the best you're going to get yeah just eat some of the nachos out the top of his sombrero hat as he's sucking you off is that what that hat's for? That's what a nice thief. Christ, they've really nailed it. Mexican blowjobs. Look at that. I mean, sensory. Think about that 4D experience. Fucking subway surfer video on top of a classical podcast clip. You get sucked off when you're dipping nachos. Can you keep still, please? You've got like a tray of dips. You've got like a yogurt one and a spicy one. Can you keep still? You're spilling've got like a tray of dips you've got like a yoghurt one
52:25and a spicy one can you keep still you're spilling the salsa that's hedonistic that is hedonistic no that is too much come on that's not very stacanovite no it's not not very Stalinist put yourself together um Christ there's still so much history to do uh now just before Trotsky meets his end uh there is probably the most significant event of the 30s. Yep. Definitely. The Nazi-Soviet Pact. Now, by 1939, friend of the pod Adolf Hitler had spent years denouncing Bolshevism. This is like the Thurnberg-Netanyahu Pact, isn't it? Yes, it is. It is, exactly. It's the opposites, right? Yeah, because everyone's head's just like, what the fuck I thought Greta Beebe pact what on earth but you're opposites
53:14yeah it's opposite day yeah but what are they carving up is Greta just gonna have a bit of Palestine I don't know is that what the pact is because Nazi Soviet pact is they're gonna basically carve up Poland yeah maybe they get... Netanyahu gets a bit of her flotilla navy. Netanyahu's like, if you let me have Palestine, I'll solve climate change for you. Yeah. She's like, all right. Jews do control the weather. Yeah. Yeah, I mean... Yeah, fine. Okay. Yeah. It does read. I feel like... Because Netanyahu's just like, all right, here we... Yeah, fine. Okay. Yeah. It does read. I feel like... Because Nat and I are just like, all right, there we go, gloom warning. Yeah. Done. Yeah, done. Now stop being annoying.
53:54Yeah. Now zip it and let me get on with it. I feel like, you know, I just watched Burnham's, you know, Labour conference speech. Everyone's saying it's brilliant I feel like he's Mr Tricking not what we could solve climate change and the Middle East with one solution so what is he going to be the one brokering the deal is that what you think would be a good move for Burnham yeah it'd be the Burnham Dumb Bug Net and Yahoo deal yeah well no rather than it's the Molotov Ribbentrop pact so it'd be Ben Gavir that's what I mean Burnham Ben G bug Netanyahu deal Yeah well no Rather than It's the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact So it'd be Ben-Gavir That's what I mean Burnham-Ben-Gavir pact Yeah You can have Gaza
54:30But the Jews have to stop climate change Which is in their power And I know they can So we can stop pretending So actually just do it would you Actually do it Yeah And thanks for making it rain On my birthday again Yeah Can you actually use your powers For once please It was a barbecue in July Why did it have to rain then i'm sorry yeah that we stopped fucking settler colonialism in the fucking hell of a birthday everyone i'm hungry yeah um anyway yeah so the sorry so the precursor to the the ribbentrop molotov pact is the uh burn and ben gavir pact which uh is it's a great idea i think i back i back that yeah i feel like we should also it would actually be miller miller band ben gavir wouldn't it
55:10yeah we're from the bank of ear pact because miller band was energy secretary but yeah but now he's foreign secretary so i mean so he'd be like fuck you've got me yeah i have to say yes to this both issues solved yeah anyway um so did you see fucking ben gavir is now siding with argentina's claim for the falklands fuck did you see did you see it he did a tweet saying the state of israel should recognize argentina's rightful claims because uh ed milliband uh support it said that what was going on in the west Bank. Jesus Christ. That's like, what the fuck? But part of me, I don't know if you agree, part of me wants them to try again. Do you know what I mean? I'd love them to try again. Get Israel involved
55:52and we'll show them a thing or two. The same reason I don't want Tottenham relegated from the Premier League, I enjoy pumping at the Emirates every year. It's great for mental health. Normally happens about springtime. It just gives me a little pep in my step yeah I want them to try again every 10 years I want the Falcons to be alive let's just do it let's just run that shit back come on the boys need a run out Prince Harry's back in the country come on let's do it we can do another flying pedo I mean Andrew can a redemption story oh my god can you imagine the narrative what about Andrew Kamikazes into Port Stanley. Andrew 9-11's the Malvinas. And everyone's like, do you know what? Yeah. He was a war hero.
56:36He was. That's an honourable way out for Andrew. Fully. Yeah. Absolutely. I think it's the only out now. Yeah. He goes let me back into the fold and I will 9-11 Port Stanley. Give me a state funeral. That's all I ask. And then he does it and we're like oh no they haven't invaded. Oh no. You've just crashed a plane into British territory. Oh you're going to have to wait. Yeah. And it's like there was a young child in there. This is exactly what we didn't want to happen. Oh no. You've flown the Lita into Port Stanley. You've flown the Epstein Express into Port Stanley. The optics are awful. Have you read this? No, but Israel, Israel allying with Argentina. I know, this is the craziest shit. I was chatting to me doing this.
57:20What is going on there? What about the whole Eichmann thing? Yeah. It's insane. Argentina just dropping out yeah you know fucking nicholas winton from britain yeah don't give a fuck about us anymore they're gonna support the fucking the country that house mongolay well look at that they're going on the side of the country that house mongolay as opposed to the country of nicholas winton come on come on but once again... But do you remember... I'll be honest, I don't want to try Israel though. If Israel are helping Argentina, then that's not... I don't mind playing Argentina, but I would be a bit scared fighting Israel. No, come on. They're a long way from home. Yeah. That's our southern border.
57:58We could take them. Yeah. They won't have a navy. Israel? Yeah, they won't have a navy. Well, they get Greta Thunberg's... We've got two ships what about the bugs okay well yeah okay they've got one rape flotilla but we have two ships now okay we do have two ships there's a new one being built i think that's a long way off okay have we got two ships the navy sounds two ships is it i think it's two ships currently i was a friend's 30th seeing a military wife whose husband is a submarine captain, but he doesn't have a submarine because we don't have them. A captain without a submarine. Devastating. Devastating. 60. We have 60 active ships. That doesn't sound like enough. It's not enough. Oh, and one historic vessel,
58:38HMS Victory. Get the Victory out. Get the Victory back out. If we retake the Falklands with the Victory, come on. Fucking hell. There's no way it would get out of Portsmouth. It would anyone um right we digress what are we what are we gonna do we're fighting israel in the forklift we're now we're now sort of enjoying the fantasy of fighting israel in the forklifts when we haven't really talked about the soviet pact i think we'll have to leave we'll have to leave that to next episode now i think um so uh i don't know how long this series is going to be now, but it's all on the Patreon, the rest of it. And in our next episode, we will get to the totemic Nazi-Soviet pact, the Finnish war, Barbarossa.
59:16Some of the best photo ops. Yeah, 100%. Of all time, maybe. Yeah, yeah. And we will get to Stalin's totemic role in World War II. That's all in the next episode. Thank you for joining us, patrons. Apologies, we enjoyed Tr to Stalin's totemic role in World War 2 that's all in the next episode thank you for joining us patrons apologies we enjoyed Trotsky's assassination too much as I knew I would yeah enjoyed the fantasy of Israel invading the Falklands I don't know how we got there but what a time we've had I don't know as soon as these hats come on there's just something happening I want to talk about the Falklands When the case goes cold, that's where I come in. A different breed of justice. Each clue building to a bigger
1:00:06story, a more honest truth, a fingerprint, a follicle, the directionality of a drop of blood leading me to the culprit of the crime. Though when I find who the murderer is, I force them to open their eyes and look at what they've done. Dexter Resurrection. New season now streaming on the Paramount Plus Premium Plan. Glimmer. The new eau de parfum by Estee Lauder. An amber floral fragrance with a gourmand twist. With notes of macaron rose accord, amber embrace accord, and shimmering patchouli. A glimmer is a small, unexpected moment of joy that shifts your energy and how you feel. A scent to be felt, remembered, and shared. Discover more at EsteeLauder.com. What makes you glimmer? Choice Hotels gets you more of what you value.
1:01:00Comfort Inn. It's calling your name. Save on the stay. Oh, and free waffles are yours to claim. Book direct at storesvilletails.com.





