How does Deborah Tannen explain interrupting and pauses on Hidden Brain?

Deborah Tannen says everyone carries an unspoken sense of how long a pause between turns should be. At a Thanksgiving dinner she recorded, the New Yorkers expected shorter pauses, so they filled gaps the Californians and a British guest were waiting for. Talking over someone can be a sign of enthusiasm to one speaker and an interruption to another. In her view an interruption takes two people: one who starts and one who stops.

• Tannen timed perceptible pauses with a stopwatch and spent two and a half months transcribing the three-hour dinner.
• One New Yorker tried seven times to raise a topic, while the Californians gave up after one attempt.
• Pace is relative: a Midwestern colleague who seemed slow to Tannen was the fast talker with his own wife.

▸In their words

“I had to learn to count to seven before I thought he had nothing to say.” Deborah Tannen · at 40:50 — open in the transcript →

Source: our own transcription of the episode. The full conversation is on Hidden Brain (2026-09-14). Read the whole episode summary →

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