How does Paul Eastwick explain that compatibility is created rather than found?

Paul Eastwick ties compatibility to the history two people share: rituals, in-jokes, customs and the story they tell about themselves as a couple. Because that history has to grow, he says it cannot be predicted before two people start building it. His own example is the long-distance relationship with his partner Allison, in which they cooked the same dinner over FaceTime several nights a week, a ritual they still keep.

• Allison taught Eastwick to cook during those calls and he taught her about wine.
• Eastwick says revisiting a couple's shared story is a central part of what a relationship is, not just spending time together.

Source: our own transcription of the episode. The full conversation is on Hidden Brain (2026-11-02). Read the whole episode summary →

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